Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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