She announced her abortion via fbk
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
