went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
