its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
