i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
