Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
