he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
