i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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