His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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