dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
