Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
