You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
