ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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