I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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