Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Randomize
