Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
