Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
