yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
