how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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