i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
