I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
