I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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