She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
