You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
