I'm eating all of the evidence.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
