so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
