Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
