Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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