youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
