This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
