You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
