I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
