he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
