legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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