How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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