Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
