i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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