if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
