Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
