easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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