There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Holy shit dude........stairs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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