i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
