I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
