i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
