What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
