where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
