Someone shit on the floor
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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