my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
