we have officially lost it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
