this beer tastes like vomit already
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
